Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Men in Black

There were lots of serious looking men in black suits. A lot of expensive motor cars and even more expensive women. The whole wedding was quite an experience, even for a battle-hardened soak like your correspondent. Conspicuous consumption was the watchword.

Champagne, fireworks, champagne, heaving mountains of lobster, white-gloved waiters, champagne, more fireworks, thousands of balloons, sprawling displays of flowers, more food, more everything. Racing to the reception with cars straddling the whole road, horns blaring.

The entrance to the hotel strewn with white almond sweets, rice and rose petals. More fireworks.
Yes the groom was dressed top to toe* in aubergine. Just cop the belt. If his father sees this in the public domain, I'm a dead man. And no, we didn't get to sing Ave Maria. As Bruno pulled out the sheet of music on the plane for the rehearsal, he noticed that he'd photocopied it so badly the last line was missing completely. At least the happy couple were spared that.

*shoes included


Diplomat said...

.... Ron came to and it slowly dawned on him that his "arrival" home had in fact been a dream - no view from the 'plane window of home soil - no ice cold beer - no pretty waitresses ... instaed the constant droaning rasping nazal Calabrian voice breaking through the buzzing in his ears " .. and what have you done with the film ? where are the negatives ? you will tell us .. who do you work for ? - who sent you ? .. a familiy wedding ! you Inglese have no respect ? " clang ... the cellar door closes again and Ron hears the bolt slide to - nausea washing over his body as his world slips back down the deminishing dot in the middle of the screen........ peace at last - again !

Jon Dudley said...

Ron, you're playing with fire here, I really don't like the look of that big geezer in the first shot. The last time I saw someone like him he was pushing an ice cream barrow in Rye.

Let's hope this young gal in the backless frontless evening strap bears Sgnr.Aubergine a son pdq, or she'll be taking a short walk into Brindisi harbour. Worse, she'll be waiting table at Al Duomo in Brighton.

Peter Ashley said...

The bride looks as though you've had a pop at undoing her dress. And Mr.Dudley- just be careful, I don't know where you live.

A F-A said...

I'm thinking Tracy Draco....OHMS....George Lazenby...... RON! I know who you really are!!!!!

Ron Combo said...

JD...the big geezer in the first shot is the father of the groom....bloody hell.