
There were lots of serious looking men in black suits. A lot of expensive motor cars and even more expensive women. The whole wedding was quite an experience, even for a battle-hardened soak like your correspondent. Conspicuous consumption was the watchword.

Champagne, fireworks, champagne, heaving mountains of lobster, white-gloved waiters, champagne, more fireworks, thousands of balloons, sprawling displays of flowers, more food, more everything. Racing to the reception with cars straddling the whole road, horns blaring.

The entrance to the hotel strewn with white almond sweets, rice and rose petals. More fireworks.

Yes the groom was dressed top to toe* in aubergine. Just cop the belt. If his father sees this in the public domain, I'm a dead man. And no, we didn't get to sing Ave Maria. As Bruno pulled out the sheet of music on the plane for the rehearsal, he noticed that he'd photocopied it so badly the last line was missing completely. At least the happy couple were spared that.
*shoes included