One of Mrs Combo's cousins, like many thrusting young Italians, works on a cruise ship. He dropped on with a Peruvian waitress so decided to make it legal at a remote 1960s church hereabouts. With typical Italian disregard for the finer points of spirituality the church builders couldn't be bothered to put in a ring of bells so they made do with a nice pair of loudspeakers that broadcast on a loop tape a supremely tinny recording of two clanking bells:
...as was the grip quality of the lavatory paper used for the bridal hearse.