Thursday, 24 January 2008

All sulphured out

I was at a family dinner the other evening, enjoying some lovely glasses of sparkling water, when I happened to mention to the distant cousin sitting next to me that I had a bit of a stiff neck. Quick as a shot she was off, and returned dragging behind her the family medicine box. Italians are enthusiastic first-aiders and most of them have an arsenal of bandages, ointments, plasters, drugs and pain killers at home that wouldn't look out of place in a NATO field hospital. After rummaging around for about ten minutes she triumphantly extracted a rock-hard, yellow cylinder (above) to the general approval of the assembled family. "Right", she enthused, "let me at you! Where is the stiffness?" and when I indicated the general area, she got me in a headlock and started rolling said cylinder up and down my neck with the palm of her hand. I could hear the occasional little snick, as if there was a small electrical discharge. "That'll be the negative ions coming out!". Anyway, it would seem that pure sulphur applied to the affected part can be a great help for a colpo d'aria (what you get if you sit in a draught) or indeed any general aches and pains. Did it work? I have to say there was some short-term relief. But it could have been the headlock.
By the way, we are now told to spell sulphur, sulfur. I blame Blair.


A F-A said...

Excellent Sir Combo - and now let me direct you to this:

This offers a more holistic approach: removes aches and pains, keeps you clean and makes you feel British, all in one - a variation on the old "It beats as it sweeps as it cleans" tagline.

(ps: Blair now gone - and the incumbent Scottish nincompoop unlikely to know what sulphur is...ergo, return to ENGLISH spelling now acceptable)

Justin Savage said...

Ron, a f-a; get a grip. You, Ron, are in greater need of a drink than we suspected. Honestly, having to come up with some imaginary ache just to go wrestling with your relatives. It's 2008! It's allowed! Nous sommes toutes Europeans, even when rolling around on the floor with a sulphur candle pressed to your neck.

a f-a: given that Brown reigns over a pretty sulphurous bunch of coves, and given his proclivity for fire and brimstone from the pulpit, we may well be heading for more pain than we can shake a stick at (or rather, more pain at which we might shake a stick) (for the pedants).

Diplomat said...

Sorry Ron - I have absolutely no comment to make here.......... but for the ...... nah - forget it. Off for some Atlantic Class 75 tonight though.

Peter Ashley said...

Ron, please get back on the sauce.

A F-A said...

Take no notice Ron: you keep taking the sulphur. If you go a little yellow-ish, well, maybe they need an Aladdin at the Alhambra in Verona. You will smell nicer with the Harrogate brand though.
(Note to self: check out sulphur futures on Stock Exchange...)

cindy incidentally said...

Well like i'm soooo amazed?said as if it were a question. I blame Blair for that as well.
And yes Ron, behave y'bloody self and get back on the sauce, you're becoming a frightful bore.

Diplomat said...

just imagine ron - the suspense, the head brimming the glass, the settling down, that first taste/smell/gulp/swallow etc

had to chose 'twixt Landlord, Pride and Bass the other day, doesn't get any easier.