Stumbling into the classroom, stinking of cheap red wine after a two bottle lunch, unshaven, sweating in the unseasonal May heat, desperately thinking of a subject to keep the little buggers occupied for the next 55 minutes, the small country school was to stage a scene which would move even the stone cold heart of the genetically cynical and desperately hungover Ronald Combo.
"Please teacher, is for you," said the two little girls who ventured towards the front of the class, proffering a small bunch of rapidly wilting daisies.
"WHAT?" I shouted. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TWO CRETINS? WHERE'S THE PLURAL PRONOUN SUBJECT? FOR GOD'S SAKE,
THESE ARE FOR YOU!"*
*Of course I didn't. Only jawkin' chaps!
7 comments:
Oh my God! I have my last English class this Saturday and you just broke me out in a cold sweat. No more co-ordinating conjunctions or parallelism, please!
your approach to eduction is admirable if somewhat wobbly...as for the rest,you lost me.
Dear Ron - what a blinding photo. You've been on a course haven't you ?
Bad innit.
Tch, tch, what shocking grammar. As it was a BUNCH of daisies - small, wilting or otherwise - the correct statement should have been: "THIS is for you", 'bunch' being a singular noun.
Where was you brung up, ffs?
Doesn't look like a bunch to me - would Mrs Affer or any body elses wife be impressed ? I think Ron is correct, these were presented as individual stems in recognition of the children in the class who are too scared to speak up.
The (thankfully) ex-Mrs Affer was not inclined to be impressed with anything less than the hanging gardens of Babylon....but that's probably not the point. The thing is that it was Teacher himself who described it as a 'small bunch'. So either he is guilty of false description, or bad grammar. This is not what we fought three World Wars for...or, more accurately, not for what three World Wars were fought. In protest, I will not be voting today.
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